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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24071608">This Isn't Quite Exactly How I Thought We'd End Up</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikka001/pseuds/Nikka001'>Nikka001</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Law &amp; Order: SVU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon pregnancy, Declarations Of Love, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Implied Relationship, Unexpected Pregnancy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:07:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,309</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24071608</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikka001/pseuds/Nikka001</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The last thing she expected was for her life to take such a drastic turn....again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Amanda Rollins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>This Isn't Quite Exactly How I Thought We'd End Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Quick note for everyone before we get into the story: </p>
<p>I was having a conversation with my sister the other day and started wondering aloud, "what if Doctor Al didn't exist and Billie was actually Carisi's baby?". Her response to this was simple. "Write it."</p>
<p>So here we are. </p>
<p>With this story, for all intents and purposes, Al does not exist. He is not apart of Amanda's story. He is gone.</p>
<p>For this story, this is how I would've wanted it to go down had they gotten together earlier and had Billie actually been his. Because I am obsessed with the idea. Just saying.</p>
<p>That being said, please enjoy this little something that I have whipped up for you guys. I hope you all like it and please let me know what you think in the comments below. I truly love getting all of your feedback more than you can ever know. Thank you all for your kind words. </p>
<p>-Annika</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/>
<p>
  <span>It’s crazy how one choice, one decision that you make in the heat of the moment, is enough to change the course of your life entirely. She never thought this would be her life. She never thought that she’d be in this situation once again. And yet here she was. Not knowing how to break the news of her current situation to those she cares about the most. It wasn’t bad news. Not really. It just depended on how you looked at the situation. She, of course, was stunned and a little overwhelmed but also, in the end, was excited. He, on the other hand, well, she wasn’t really sure how he would look at the situation. He loves her. She knows that he does, and he knows that she loves him too. They said as much the morning after when they were laying in his bed together, smiling, laughing, and curled up against each other. It wasn’t planned. Moments like that never were. Did she regret it? No. She never regretted any moments with him. She only ever regretted not taking chances with him to see where they could lead. And now, she knows exactly where.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>HORIZON JUVENILE CENTER</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>BRONX, NEW YORK</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 19</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Carisi takes a deep breath. “Eh, you know, aside from not sleepin’.” She knows this case has been hard on him. Harder than most of the cases have been. And it worries her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You worry you know. You worry about your kid getting sick or breaking a bone or god forbid getting hit by a taxi. And it’s like you're holding your breath underwater, every day”—she can feel the tears but can’t find it in her to stop them—“and then you uh, you get to tuck em in and kiss them goodnight. Get to breathe out again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her breath hitches in her throat while she tries to speak, the words stuck. “It’s..it’s just..you can’t—you can’t imagine that…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Carisi scoots closer, one arm coming up to rest on her back, trying to bring her any sort of comfort that he can. She can see the worry in his eyes and can hear the concern in his voice when he tries to calm her down. “Hey, hey, hey, it’s alright.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Carisi...I’m…” She tries but the words won’t come. She wants to tell him but it scares her. This whole thing terrifies her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s alright, it’s alright, you can tell me, it’s okay.” He knows she wants to say something. He can see how hard it is for her. All that he wants is for her to be okay. And he knows that right now, she is anything but.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She opens her mouth to say something but is too late. A loud voice interrupts the moment before she has a chance to say what she needs to say. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“SVU. You here to see the state psych for Sam Conway?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was the end of their conversation. Amanda wiped her eyes, put on a brave face, and went right back to work. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe it just wasn’t the right time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It turns out there never was such a thing as, “the right time”. There were only ever moments where you could hope that things would go your way. Moments that wouldn’t make you seem like the bad guy just because you didn’t act out of fear for the unknown. Now was one such moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She knew that Fin and Liv both knew. They’d told her as much and supported her to the best of their abilities. Too bad the only support she really wanted, was from the one person who didn’t know he had to give it. At least, that’s what she thought.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>HOME OF KELLY &amp; ALAN WELLBECK</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>199 PALISADE ROAD</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>ELIZABETH, NEW JERSEY</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 30</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did I tell ya about my cousin Nicky?” Carisi asks as they exit the vehicle and make their way across the street towards the Wellbeck’s house. “She’s havin’ another kid. You believe that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She can’t believe that. “What’s that three?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Five,” he corrects. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow.” She’s not sure where this conversation’s going, but she knows the one place she doesn’t want it to go. Not here and not now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” His eyes dart back to her just before she darts her eyes up to him. Stopping at the curb, he turns around to face her. “Rollins, why didn’t ya tell me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Amanda tries to play it cool. “Tell you what?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His eyes search hers for just a moment before the faint smile on his lips drops. “Alright.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Turning on his heel, he proceeds up the driveway towards the home. He barely makes it a few steps closer before she’s catching up to him, struggling with her words as she does.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Son-Sonny, listen, hey”—He turns back to her, a look of amusement on his face—“I tried to, I just...I didn’t know how.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looks at her, the amusement is gone and has been replaced with a look of something akin to wonder in his eyes. His gaze wanders down to her still hidden bump before coming back up to meet her gaze. When he opens his mouth to say something, she knows now isn’t the time or place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t start asking me questions right now.” Amanda pleads with him. She knows they need to talk, now just isn’t the time. “We can talk tonight, okay? At my place.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Carisi stares at her before a smile spreads across his lips and he finds himself nodding to accept the invitation. She smiles back and moves around him to finish the trek up the driveway and towards the concerned couple waiting for them on the front porch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>APARTMENT OF</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>DETECTIVE AMANDA ROLLINS</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>355 WEST 117TH STREET</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 30</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Amanda smiles when she opens the door to find Carisi on the other side. He’s dressed more comfortably than his normal everyday suits, in a dark sweater, jeans, boots, and a jacket. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, I gave you that key for a reason.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He returns the smile and ducks his head, one hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. “Yeah well, can I uh, can I come in?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. Come on.” She steps away from the door, letting him through, and makes her way back over to the stove to finish preparing them both a cup of tea. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she turns back around, she finds him sitting on the couch, teetering on the edge of the cushion. His hands are clasped together, arms resting on his thighs while one leg bounces up and down. She’d laugh at the sight if she weren’t so nervous herself. So instead, Amanda steels herself for the coming conversation and walks over to sit beside him. She sets their mugs down on the table and sits back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, how’s Gabriela doing? I know Fin’s staying with her for the night.” She tried for casual but from the look on his face when he lifts his head to look at her, she has failed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t do that, alright? If this is gonna go anywhere, we’ve gotta be straight with each other.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She avoids his gaze by ducking her head and tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Her heart rate quickens at just the thought of him rejecting her after what she has to tell him. And then she glances over at the doors leading to where her daughter lays fast asleep, her tiny arms still wrapped tightly around the stuffed bear that her Uncle Sonny had given her. Amanda smiles at the thought of how much Jesse loves her Uncle Sonny. It was endearing to know how close the two were. It also gave her more hope as to their future, now that things were going to change.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I uh, I only found out a little while ago. It hasn’t been too long.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, uh…” Sonny sucks in a deep breath and holds it for a few seconds before letting it out slowly. “You tell me what you want to do and I’ll support you every step of the way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Amanda shifts in her seat, bringing one leg up to tuck underneath the other so she can face him, her brow furrowing in confusion. “Dominick, you know what we’re talking about here, right? I’m pregnant and you’re the father.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His leg stops bouncing and he sits up straighter, turning his upper body so he can look her directly in the eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know that, Amanda. But what I also know is that just because I’m the father doesn’t mean I make the decisions. That baby is ours. But that body is yours. Whatever you decide, I will support you.” He means it. She knows he does. He’s always been like this and it’s one of the reasons she fell for him in the first place.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She holds his gaze. “So if I were to tell you that I want to have this baby, then what?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smiles softly at her, his eyes lighting up when he speaks. “Then I will support your decision. I will love you and our baby with all my heart. I will be with you every step of the way and make sure you feel all the support and love I have to give.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And if I were to tell you”—she lets her eyes dart away from his for just a second—“that I have made the decision to...terminate?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She tries not to notice the way his smile falters for just the faintest of seconds before perking back up just as quickly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then I will support your decision. If you decide you don’t want to have this baby, then that’s your decision to make. I can’t make that decision. It’s not my body so it’s not my choice. But if you do make it, then I will still love and support you. No matter what. The decision you make will have no effect on how I feel about you. I promise you that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t think she could ever love Dominick Carisi more than she did at that moment. It made her hopeful for their future. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Dominick.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His smile this time is genuine. “For what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For being a good man. It’s one of the reasons why I love you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you too, Amanda.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She smiles at him, tears forming in her eyes. He dips his head breaking eye contact and laughs before suddenly turning on the couch until he’s facing her, his face now inches from hers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I kiss you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The laugh bubbles out of her when she tells him yes and her breath catches in her throat when he presses his lips to hers, one hand on the back of her neck to pull her closer and the other resting on the back of the couch holding up his weight. They laugh with each other into the kiss, their noses bumping against each other’s and one of her hands coming up to tangle in his messy hair. It’s a sweet and clumsy kiss, much like their first one and Amanda loves it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they part, their breathing is labored and they’re both laughing, neither one able to contain the unbridled joy that they both ultimately feel at the thought of starting a family together. It wasn’t what either one of them planned of course, but if they both put in the effort, then they know they can make it work.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, am I wrong to assume that this means your keeping it?” The question slips out before he even has a chance to realize what he’s really saying. She gives him a look, a startled look that makes him quite nervous. And then the look shifts into another look that he’s somewhat unfamiliar with. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not wrong. At least, not entirely wrong.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Meaning?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need you to make me a promise, okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nods and she takes his hands in hers, letting them rest in her lap. “I need you to promise me that if I do decide to keep this baby, I won’t be doing this alone. If you decide to be a part of this child's life, then you’re in it for the long run. Changing diapers, late-night feedings, singing silly lullabies just to get them to sleep, comforting them, teaching them, and always remembering to love them. Think you’re up for that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She lets the words sink in but averts her gaze. If he wants to back out, then now is the time to do it. She’s hopeful that he’ll stay but she can feel the underlying fear that one day he’ll decide it’s all too much and leave. And that thought terrifies her. More than she thinks it should. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So when she feels him squeeze her hands to get her to return her focus to the situation at hand, her heart begins beating erratically in her chest, almost loud enough to drown out the sound of his voice when he finally speaks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Amanda, I am up for whatever this child decides to throw at us. I promise you that I’m not going anywhere. I am here for you and I am here for Jesse and our yet-to-be-named child. I can’t promise you that I won’t get overwhelmed sometimes, but I can promise you that I will do my best to do right by our little family. If you’ll let me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Of all the responses she was expecting, that one was not in there. “Really?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smiles lovingly at her and brings one hand up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Really.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She returns the smile and leans in to press her lips to his once again when a thought crosses her mind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looks at her puzzled. “What? What is it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How am I gonna tell Jess?”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
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